Painting without painting.Learning to be the real you. Permission to be intense

How to give it yourself? 

I’m surprised how often people worry about being’ too much’ (I thought it was just me!)

 If you think about it, what is the problem with ‘over doing it’ and being ‘too intense?’ 

 Why do we assume that the other (person’ is going to recoil in horror at our ‘fulloness’

This fear of being intense is often the very thing that makes us more intense. 

I love abstract painting because of the permission to be as intense as necessary. It’s a big ‘yes’ to all the stored up internal drama. There is no such thing as ‘too much’ and that is a huge relief. 

When you’re sensitive, empathic and struggle with boundaries, (taking on other people's emotion),  you soon end up with a lot of psychic junk. Your system needs a blow out- a chance to clear out and reset. 

Without an appropriate container this ‘overload’ can be acted out. This usually means; arguments, unconsciously enacting situations that ‘cause’ more extreme emotions to be felt. Or engaging with addictive behaviours such as excessive drinking that aids numbing out… I used to be very familiar with the whole spectrum of negative ways to ‘act out’ and then…. painting happened.

Plug into paint. 

If you’re an INFJor an INFP (Myers Briggs) the more intense personality types, then I recommend getting into painting as soon as possible even if you have no real interest in developing yourself as a visual artist. Just see how abstract painting can shift things in your inner realms, it’s just about starting (link to other blog - starting points). 

All those mad conversations that you have in your head, that are too surreal to even journal about- let it all play out when you paint. You’re painting and simultaneously having a zillion and one conversations and..feeling totally peaceful while it's all happening- how else and where else can you have this kind of experience? 

There is something about painting that turns the tables; I always felt like I was running away from myself, I saw that I was unpredictable and difficult to understand and this meant I was always trying to keep a lid on my feelings to make myself more acceptable to  others. 

When I paint I get to wrestle with complexity for fun and it really is fun. Instead of suppressing or denying my intensity I actively encourage it.  For one painting titled Through This Chaos, I gave myself full permission to ‘over do it’ and for the best part of a year I battled it out on the canvas until something popped and I just didn't need to do it anymore. The tumultuous ocean was no longer churning. There was a pause. Years of imploding in slow motion found some kind of resolution in that painting. It felt like a miracle. 

Painting is an experience and a process like no other. An interplay between story and abstraction- this is where meaning resides and it's something that can't be articulated, but it is something that you feel; It’s a peaceful frequency that resets the nervous system. 

Whenever you have the fear that you could unleash your intensity on someone else, unleash it on a canvas instead. The greatest gift is permission and the permission we grant for ourselves is our greatest gift to others.